57 going on 14...

An ode to Mr. L.

Last night, I was chatting with a longtime friend of my in-laws who is turning 80. He said he was healthy and grateful for it, then asked if I was. I nodded. There was a pause. Reflection flickered in his eyes as he continued,

“It goes by it a blink.”

Man, did I feel that.

This morning, I woke up to a review of Pillness (my first memoir) by my Grade 9 English teacher, Mr. L. (I call him Mr. L. because he makes a delightful appearance in my third memoir, Are You There, Judy Blume? It’s Me, Henriette.) He is also in his 80’s, and thriving back in my hometown of Toronto.

When I finished reading his review, I thought, HOW COOL that my high school English teacher and I are back I touch? Secondly, how INCREDIBLE that he read my first book? And thirdly, how GLORIOUS is his review? I mean, C’MON! This is my English teacher from 1983 who taught Rachel Carlson’s Silent Spring and broke down nuclear disarmament and acid rain.

But finally, and perhaps most importantly, I was reminded of how extraordinary my life can be if I stay with the adventure. If I choose a different story than the one my head wants to tell.

Oh! In this picture, I can still feel insecurities flutter in my tummy. How my heart patters when I make eye contact with my crush. “Pale Shelter” plays on my dad’s old radio in my bedroom, and it makes my heart ache. I feel my voice caught in my mouth, my throat, my chest, uncertain how to live out loud. My father is dead, I have kidney disease and I’m in love. Sigh. I want to hold Young Hen and tell her to hang on, because she’s going to have to ride the ride alone.

Then I look at 57-year old me and know shock and awe. I’m awed by how life gifted me when I got out of the way and let something else take charge. Yeah. Sure. I’ll name it. Big G in da house! I’m shocked that the years of smouldering wreckage—the pain I caused—have cooled. I finally found a way to raise my voice in love instead of fear.

And I’m here. I’m actually still here. And you are, too.

It does go by in a blink. Don’t waste it! Drink it up. Every painful drop.

Embrace the adventure of your life.

“I remember Henriette in my grade 9 English class - beautiful, bright and eager to explore what high school had to offer. But Henriette had a secret, one that she couldn’t share with me. Henriette was fighting for her life.

Her memoir “In Pillness and in Health” makes this fight abundantly clear in stark terms. Her battle with kidney failure, transplant rejection and drug abuse led her to become an expert dissembler. She also morphed into an expert pharmacologist. She came to learn the names and effects of substances I knew nothing about.

Rarely does a writer touch heart and mind as powerfully as Henriette. The nightmare of losing everything in life that ever meant anything to her became Henriette’s life over which she had no control. This memoir takes the reader on a treacherous trip that leaves us wondering how she ever survived. A must read.”

THANK YOU, MR. L!

You can purchase "The Pillness Trilogy" here!

H xx